The New York Times just named the healthiest shift in dating in years: hobbyamory. Singles are trading hours of swiping for salsa on Monday, chess on Tuesday, boxing on Wednesday. The piece follows a growing group investing its time, energy, and disposable income in rock climbing, cake decorating, and cyanotype printmaking instead of dating apps. Their social calendars are packed. Their friend groups are expanding. Their lives feel rich, with or without a partner.
The numbers make the point. TikTok posts tagged #hobbies are up nearly 15 percent this year. #grandmahobbies has grown more than 400 percent. “Side quest,” the gaming term for an adventure off the main storyline, is up more than 210 percent. Tylo Laidlaw, 30, is the pattern in human form: after his last relationship ended, he filled his week with hobbies and told the Times, “I’m so fulfilled in my life that I know the right person will come. But I’m not out searching for it.”
But here’s the thing: hobbyamory isn’t quitting dating. It’s quitting the interface.
Dating apps have been the centerpiece of dating for a decade. Dr. Alexandra Solomon, the clinical psychologist the Times interviewed, calls the shift a “collective course correction around dating apps.” Dating coach Amy Chan is blunter: “People have dating fatigue. They are just so disappointed with the apps that some of them are not dating at all.”
What hobbyamory gets right about modern dating
The article earns its optimism. Its subjects aren’t retreating from connection; they’re building it elsewhere. Lisa Kimura, 31, took up D.J.-ing, genealogy, Japanese calligraphy, and fiber arts. Her hobbies end in finished products, and the finished product is the point: “I feel like I can design my future.” Natalie Mora, 21, fills her calendar with scuba diving, bouldering, boxing, and skydiving: “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been: single.” Laura Geaves, 44, crochets, watercolors, and makes pottery after work: “The goal is actually to enjoy your own company.”
Notice what all of this creates: proximity, shared energy, committed circles. The three pillars of adult friendship we wrote about after Jay Shetty’s episode. A chess club, a cake decorating class full of singles, a salsa night: these are third places, and they generate connection without an algorithm in sight.
The only caveat the article offers is the right one. Dr. Solomon warns the trend is healthy “so long as it is not coming from a place of emotional retreat or avoidance.” Hobbies as enrichment, yes. Hobbies as hiding, no.
Side quests are brilliant. Streaks are better.
Which brings us to the gap the article leaves open. The trend it describes is built on breadth: hobbymaxxing, side quests, adding “whimsy” to a life. A life of side quests is rich. It is also, by design, shallow: a calendar of first times.
The difference between sampling a hobby and growing in it is what happens after the novelty wears off. Lisa Kimura said it better than anyone in the piece: many of her hobbies end with a finished product, and that gives her “a feeling of accomplishment.” The finished product is where hobbyamory compounds. A side quest is a one-time adventure. A streak is the thing you keep coming back to.
That’s the missing layer. A packed calendar of side quests still leaves you at the mercy of novelty. The hobby that stays is the one you return to, the one that compounds. That’s what Topick is for. You choose topics you actually care about: photography, cooking, running, 150+ of them. You post what you made or did. Every post builds your streak. Every streak turns the hobby into a challenge you set for yourself. Not tracking what you did. Keeping the momentum alive.
What hobbyamory tells us about how people actually want to connect
The piece surfaces a bigger signal than dating:
- The interface was the problem, not the desire to connect. Nobody in the piece swore off people. They swore off apps that turned connection into a numbers game. Same lesson as the Scroll Phone: fix the interface, not the human.
- Hobbies are the new third place. Proximity and shared energy don’t need an algorithm; they need a shared activity. Chess club, cake class, salsa night. The group is the product.
- A full life is the best dating prep. Chan’s point exactly: date from abundance, not scarcity. A person who is becoming something shows up differently than a person who is waiting to be found.
- Breadth starts you. Depth keeps you. Side quests sample the map. Streaks go deeper into one region. The trend gives people the start. The missing piece is the return.
Side quests vs. streaks: what actually keeps a hobby alive
| The article’s side quest | Topick |
|---|---|
| A one-time adventure | ✓ A streak you keep coming back to |
| Sampled once, novelty fades | ✓ Deepens every time you post |
| Breadth across many hobbies | ✓ Depth in the topics you care about |
| No record of progress | ✓ Streaks and challenges you set yourself |
| Whimsy on the calendar | ✓ Real-life skills that compound |
The healthiest sentence in the article belongs to Dr. Solomon: putting yourself out in the world “with actual humans and actual art projects or creative endeavors” is “a really healthy adaptation.” We’d add one word: sustained. A full life isn’t a list of first times. It’s a handful of things you keep doing, that compound, that you can point to and say, I made this. That’s the life hobbyamory points to. And it’s the missing piece Topick was built to fill.
Topick is a topic-first social platform where you pick the interests you care about and post what you actually do - photography, cooking, running, 150+ topics. Every post builds your streak. Every topic has its own community of people who made the same choice. Built for iOS and Android, launching soon.